Letting go of something that I worked for, that is not the right fit for me is a slow and painful process. Each step of the way, I grudgingly resist and take my time. But why do I resist?
Today, I submitted my resignation to my current place of employment, where I worked as an NP. The challenge of childcare, emergency setting, incongruence with my values (no time for family, with high stress, not enough pay) pushed me in this direction.
I worked hard towards this particular direction, but received an overwhelming inner and outer current against it. The next current pushes me towards something uncertain and new, endless possibilities.
I like to speak in metaphors when I write sometimes, but it’s not helpful. So let me be more specific—the advantage of nursing is that I can choose a lot of different paths. I started looking at nurse coaching, writing, test writing, legal consulting, aesthetic, IV hydration. I even looked at working in Australia, and another friend suggested Jamaica as an NP. I have a lot of skills as an emergency NP, and I don’t want to lose it, but I also want to live the best possible life that honors the whole of me.
So how do I choose? I knock at different doors. Is this the right step? How do I choose and what is my process for choosing. Is my investment of time and energy going to be rewarded this time?
This feeling is the excitement of something new, coupled with the cloud of doubt casting a shadow on my sunshine of certainty.
I have a sketch of a plan. But some part of me whispers that I also dread change. But that’s untrue. I have faced multiple changes and challenges and uncertainties in the past. It’s the fear of perpetually facing my inner self, and my capacity to navigate my own darkness and doubts that slows me down.
We are here. In this space of creation in the a moment to create my own healing journey. What form and shape will it take or will I mold it into?
Reflections on Health and Well-being 